March 10, 2010

Digging deeper...

There's been a storm of thoughts and emotions, going on inside of me for the past few years now. I've kept it mostly hidden, locked away, unable to even clarify for myself, what the meaning or message in this storm has been all about. It started as a quiet unrest, a whisper, that has grown steadily louder to almost a scream.. I've been trying to sort thru it, understand it, name it even. And even now after all this time, I still have only begun to scratch at the surface. But the tide of emotions inside me keep rising, and I don't think I can hold closed the flood gates any longer.
So if your looking for or expecting just another upbeat, inspiring, creative, juicy, life is just great, kind of blog ? Then this isn't the blog for you. If that is what your looking for, then there seems to be an almost over abundance of them going around to choose from. (And before I get some stones thrown at me.) Let me just say, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the super upbeat, happily creating, life is grand, kinda blogs. We need them too. We all sometimes need upbeat happy blogs, filled with happy art. I have a few favorites I subscribe to myself.
But with that being said, I guess I've just been feeling a strong need to dig deeper, get realer, more raw with my art and my writing. I don't know? Maybe I need to purge all the sadness, frustrations, pain, doubts, struggles out of my system? Maybe the answer lies in finding a better balance between the upbeat and positive, and life's struggles and challenges? All I know for certain, is that I want to express thru my art and my writings what I am 'really' feeling at the time. I want to dig deep, I want to share my joys and my sorrows in my blog. I want to paint from my heart and soul. I want to express on canvas my broken heart, my fears, my pain. But also my biggest dreams, joys, and triumphs too.. I want my art journal to be less about 'pretty pages' and backgrounds with just an inspiring word like Believe on it. And more about my words, the real me, my story, my life. I want to express it all, the good and the bad. And maybe even the boring routine things that make up daily living too. I am not anywhere even near perfect, my life is far from anything even remotely perfect. In alot of ways I am broken, and so is my life. Yes I do have many talents or gifts, and my life has it's fair share of blessings too. And yes it is important to do the best one can to remain positive and optimistic. But at the same time I feel it is equally important, at least for me, to share and express those less then perfect moments or aspects of ourselves as well. To give a voice to our sorrows,our shortcomings, our pain, our frustrations, our regrets, and challenges too. I guess for me, I sometimes just can't relate to happy pretty girl art and happy blogs filled with good news, and wonderful artfilled adventures. I save those for my cheerier days..Maybe I am alone in feeling this? I don't know? I can only speak for myself. So for me, I am going to begin digging deeper, giving a voice to all aspects of myself, my life, not just the happier positive side, but all sides of life's moments and emotions. And expressing that voice in my art and my writing..And if by chance, I am not the only one feeling this way, then join in and dig deeper too..


pinkglitterfae said...

Kelley I really doubt you are alone in this. Your blog should be your online diary, and I would definitely skip the bunnies and lollipops and everything is happy crap unless you feel it, lol!
I do enjoy seeing pretty art/blogs, etc, but I equally enjoy reading something that is real.
The only way to get over those issues/emotions you speak of, is to go 'through' them. Things are scary when they hide beneath the surface, but once they see the light, they start to dissipate, and lose their power.
My best way of clearing my head is to grab a pad of lined paper, and start writing. Don't worry if you can read it, write as fast as your thoughts are coming. Get all the anger and other garbage out, ask questions to the Universe, and just keep going until you have purged everything. You should start feeling better when you have cleared your head of all that garbage.
Can you imagine how powerful your art will be when you put your whole being into it?


Kelley said...

Thanks Betty..nice to know I'm not alone..just feeling like I need to dig alittle deeper in my art and find a nice balance between the happy art and blogging and the more real life drama we all go thru..I appreciate your taking the time to comment back..thank you so much for your encouragement and support, it means alot..xoxo